Funny joke of the day

[chahat]

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!" ---------- - Chahat Don't forget to send new year sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/new-year-sms/) to your friends: http://www.smsfunonline.com

[-=[Yash]=-]

:lol: daring blonde........

[caLigUrL916]

LOL... thats funny...

[paKikudi14]

LoL.........t4s!!

[chahat]

1. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didnt happen today.

3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

4. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

5. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont understand.

6. A mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isnt there.

7. A topologist is a someone who doesnt know the difference between a coffee cup and doughnut.

8. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."

9. A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

10. A professor is one who talks in someone elses sleep.

11. A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

12. A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

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- Chahat

Don't forget to send new year sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/new-year-sms/) to your friends:
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[:..*Sweety*..:]

lmaoo
t4s

[chahat]

On the way to the promised land, the Jews reached the Red Sea. Moses called his VP engineering, "Build me a bridge."
The VP Engineering replied, "No way, boss. This is the desert. There are no trees."

Moses called his VP Sales. "Go work a deal with the Egyptians. Negotiate our freedom."
The VP Sales beetled off and returned an hour later, "No way, boss, the Egyptians want us dead."
Despairing, Moses called his VP Public Relations, Yankele.

"No problem boss. You see that rock. Go stand on it. Raise your arms and ask God to open the Red Sea. Take the Israelites through to the other side. There you'll find another rock. Stand on it. Wait until the Egyptians are in the Red Sea. Put your arms in the air and ask God to bring the Red Sea together. He will. Your enemies will be drowned. And you will progress to the promised land."

Moses looked quizzically. "This nonsense going to work?" Moses asked.
The VP Public Relations replied, "I don't know, boss, but, if it does, I'll get you three pages in the Old Testament."

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- Chahat

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[Sabz]

lmaooo @ blonde joke!

[chahat]

http://cerebralsynergy.com/e107_plugins/autogallery/Gallery/Funny%20Images/Forum%20Replys/Oh_No_-_Gold_Fish.jpg

---------
- Chahat

Christmas is coming near... Have you send christmas sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/christmas-sms/) to your friends?
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[chahat]

Girl : If you will try to kiss me main shor macha dungi Boy : lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai. Girl : I know per formality to karni hi padegi. ---------- - Chahat Have you send merry christmas greetings (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/christmas-sms/) to your friends? http://www.smsfunonline.com

[chahat]

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the
day time when we don't need it".

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

Teacher:- "Right, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?"

Little Johnny:- "None Miss".

Teacher:- "Could you tell me why?"

Little Johnny:- "Well Miss, when the farmer shot the bird, the sound of the gun would have frightened the other birds away".

Teacher:- "Well, the answer I was looking for was four. But I like your thinking."

Little Johnny:- "Miss, while were asking questions, could I ask you one?"

Teacher:- "Its a bit irregular, but go on then"

Little Johnny:- "There are three women sitting on a bench in the park, eating ice lollies. One of them is licking the lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?"

Teacher (rather embarrassed):- "Err... I suppose it was the last one."

Little Johnny:- "Well Id have said the one with the wedding ring. But I like your thinking."

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.
What do u think, Peter?

PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

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- Chahat

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[Desichick]

lol gud 1 man t4s

[chahat]

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is."

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his services. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded:

One chalk mark . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1
Knowing where to put it . . . . . . . $49,999

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

A guy goes into a diner and sits at the counter. He asks the waitress, "What's today's special?"

The waitress says, "Chili, but the man sitting next to you bought the last bowl."

So the guy says, "Okay, I'll just have a cup of coffee."

While the waitress goes for the coffee, the guy looks over at the man sitting next to him. He's eating a huge meal, but he's not touching the chili.

The guy says to him, "Excuse me, sir, are you going to eat that chili?"

The man says, "No, be my guest."

The guy slides the bowl over, picks up a spoon, and begins to eagerly devour the chili. He's almost finished when he notices the body of a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl. This makes the guy sick, and he pukes up everything he just ate back into the bowl.

The man sitting next to him looks over and calmly says, "Yep, that's about as far as I got, too."

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.

I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay.

Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shutdown for a while.

I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend was totally "object-oriented."

A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0.So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw, which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.

I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist, and a rabbi. They are all fishing out in the lake when all of a sudden the Baptist has to go to the bathroom. So he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back. Then all of a sudden the rabbi has to go, so he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back.
Then the Catholic has to go, but when he gets out he falls into the water, so he swims back, gets back into the boat, looks up, and says, ''God, let me walk across the water.'' Then he tries again and falls into the water, so he swims back, tries again and he falls again.

The Baptist leans over to the rabbi and says, ''Do you think we should tell him where the stepping stones are?''

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist, and a rabbi. They are all fishing out in the lake when all of a sudden the Baptist has to go to the bathroom. So he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back. Then all of a sudden the rabbi has to go, so he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back.
Then the Catholic has to go, but when he gets out he falls into the water, so he swims back, gets back into the boat, looks up, and says, ''God, let me walk across the water.'' Then he tries again and falls into the water, so he swims back, tries again and he falls again.

The Baptist leans over to the rabbi and says, ''Do you think we should tell him where the stepping stones are?''

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip... but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit.

This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.

More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree?
Where would you like me to stick it?"

And thus began the tradition of sticking the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top its head.

The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathedas promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer."I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar."I'll try..." said a small woman, "But you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle!"

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fife is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another" trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

A guy's enjoying his drink at the bar when he hears a tiny voice saying, "That's a nice shirt you're wearing tonight." He looks around, then realizes that no one is there.

He shrugs it off and continues drinking. A couple minutes later he hears another tiny voice saying, "You look really handsome with your hair combed like that." Once again he looks around, and once again realizes that nobody is talking to him.

He calls the bartender over and tells him about the tiny voices. The bartender asks him what the voices are saying. When the guy tells him, the bartender says, "Oh, those are the peanuts. They're complimentary."

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- Chahat

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[*PaRi*]

lmao!! t4s!!!!

[chahat]

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."

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- Chahat

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[*PaRi*]

lmao! ur jokes r hilarious!

[chahat]

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.

A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."
"Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends."
"Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By surprising coincidence both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

'Oh, my,' said the bunny, 'i'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, i can't see where i'm going. In fact, since i'm also an orphan, i don't even know what i am.'

'It's quite ok,' replied the snake. 'Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe i could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you.'

'Oh, that would be wonderful,' replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, 'well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit.'

'Oh, thank you! Thank you,' cried the bunny in obvious excitement.

The bunny suggested to the snake, 'maybe i could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me.' So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, 'well, you're scaly and smooth, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be either an accountant, or possibly someone in senior management.'

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.
Hunting Flies" He responded.
Oh!, Killed any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone".

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- Chahat

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[paKikudi14]

lmaoooo^^^ t4s!!

[*¤¤Ðïl®uBä-NäkH®ëwääl襤*]

lol sum reeli funny ones ther-tfs

[chahat]

There once was a lady who was tired of living alone.
So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements.
She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed.
Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring.
She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

One day a man was sitting in his living room
watching tv when all of a sudden the doorbell
rang.The man then went to the door to see who
was there.When he opened the door he found a
six foot cockroch standing in front of him.
The cockroch then proceeded to punch him in
the face and leave.

The next day the man was
sitting in his living room watching tv when
then the doorbell rang.The man answered the
door and then again found himself staring at
the same cockroch that had hit him the day
before.Then the cockroch kicked him in the
shin and poked his eye out and then proceeded
to leave.

The next day the man was AGAIN
sitting in his living room watching tv when
the doorbell rang.And yet AGAIN the same
cockroch was standing there.Then the
cockroch stabbed him several times and then
yet again proceeded to leave.This time the
man managed to drag himself to his phone and
call the police.He was taken to the nearest
hospital and was kept there over night.The next
day the doctor came in to talk to the man
about what happened the night before.
"Tell me son",the doctor asked,"what happened
last night?"
"I was attacked by a six foot cockroch!",the
man replied.
"Yeah,I heard there was a "nasty bug" going
around."

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- Chahat

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[*~Maharani~*]

that was funny tfs

[chahat]

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits the bartender comes over, and asks for their order.
The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"
"I'll have a beer, too" says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again." The usual?" asks the bartender.
"Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man.
"Same for me" says the ostrich.
"That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.
The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!
"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

At school little krish was told by a classmate
That most adults are hiding at least one dark
Secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail
Them by saying, "i know the whole truth."

Little krish decided to go home and try it
Out. He went home, and as he was greeted by his
Mother he said, "i know the whole truth." His
Mother quickly handed him $20 and said, "just
Don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waited for his father
To get home from work, and greeted him with,
"I know the whole truth." Tommy's father promptly
Handed him $50 and said, "please don't say a
Word to your mother!"

Very pleased, the boy was on his way to school
The next day when he saw the mailman at his front
Door. Little krish greeted him by saying, "i
Know the whole truth."

The mailman immediately dropped the mail, opened
His arms saying, "then come give your daddy a big hug."

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

A farmer and his son were both very lazy.
As they sprawled in their chairs one day, the father said :
'John, go out and see if it's raining'.
'Ah father, can't you call in the dog and see if he's wet?' answered the son.

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

A lawyer, a computer specialist and a historian are discussing the pros and cons of having a wife, or a mistress.
The lawyer is all for having a wife. He stresses the legality of this kind of relationship and the stability it brings into one's life.
The computer specialist would prefer a lover: "there are times i'm not back home until after midnight anyway. A wife would not stand it.
A looser, on-off type of relationship without that much commitment is what i'm looking for".
Finally, the historian has his say, "i posit that it is best to have both a wife and a lover. You see, my wife thinks i'm having a tryst,
My lover thinks that i'm at home, while i take this opportunity to spend a few relaxing hours at the university library."

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- Chahat

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[chahat]

Three men, blind one, deaf one and limping one are going along the track.
Suddenly the deaf one says:
- I can hear a train!
The blind one:
- Oh! I can see it!
And the limping one:
- Let's run away from here, guys!

----------
- Chahat

Cute love sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/love-and-romantic-sms/) and romantic sms messages:
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

2 dumb fishermen decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favorite sport. After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits. Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught their limit inside of twenty minutes. paul said, (Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come,) Jim says good idea, and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat....to mark the spot.... With that paul says, why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish. ---------- - Chahat Say happy birthday to your friends by sending happy birthday sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/happy-birthday-sms/): http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

Two men working in a facory were talking. "I know how to get some time off," said one.
"How are you going to do that?"
"Watch," he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied."I'm a lightbulb."
"I think you need some time off," the foreman said said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him.
"Where do you think you're going?" the foreman shouted.
"I can't work in the dark," he said.

----------
- Chahat

Funny, romantic and flirt sms messages (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/flirt-and-naughty-sms/):
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch
In a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer
Came to help with his big strong horse named
Buddy.He hitched buddy up to the car and yelled,
"Pull, nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "pull, buster, pull!"
Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "pull, coco,
Pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "pull, buddy,
Pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out
Of the ditch.The motorist was most appreciative and very
Curious.

He asked the farmer why he called his
Horse by the wrong name three times.

"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he
Was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."

----------
- Chahat

Email funny messages (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/joke-and-funny-sms/) to your friends:
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[beautifulasever]

lol she's daring:D t4s

[chahat]

A boy says to his father:

"Dad, how much does it cost to get married?
I don't know my son, I am still paying!"

----------
- Chahat

Email funny sms shayari (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/sms-shayari/) to your friends:
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[chahat]

A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client,
Attaching a note which said "this bill is one year old".
By return mail, the lawyer had his bill back.

To it was attached another note: "happy birthday !"

----------
- Chahat

Funny, romantic and flirt sms messages (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/flirt-and-naughty-sms/):
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

A very old lady teacher of English ask this question with the class:

When I say "I am beautiful", which tense is it?

One pupil anwers: It's the past of course.

----------
- Chahat

My collection of the best valentine day sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/valentine-day-poems-and-sms/):
http://www.smsfunonline.com

[chahat]

A couple was walking in the street the suddenly he found a penguin .The woman asked what they could do with it,her husband answered that they could ask a policeman.This latter said:
Well.you can take him to the zoo.
Two days later,the policeman met them in the street with the penguin.
He said: told you to take it to the zoo.

The woman answered:
Yes, we did we took him to the zoo, to the muSeum and tonight we are going to take it to the restaurant.
What a lucky penguin.

----------
- Chahat

Send short sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/short-sms/) to your friends:
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

It was in evening party, where persons were invited to dance.
A woman choose a partner and while dancing, the man told her that he seems to be in the desert (as he was fascinate by the lady).

The lady answers that she noticed that he was dancing like a camel.

----------
- Chahat

Send these valentine day poems (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/valentine-day-poems-and-sms/) to your love:
http://www.smsfunonline.com

[chahat]

There's this man and his travelling across the desert, and he suddenly finds he hasn't got any water left. So his starting to get worried, and his very thirsty, but luckily, a man comes towards him on a camel.
So he said to the man, ' I'm thirsty. Have you got any water?' and the other man says, ' No, I haven't, but I've got a wonderful selection of ties. Would you like to by one?'So the other man says, 'No , of course not!' and man rides away on his camel.
After about another hour or two, he's desperately thirsty and he sees a beautiful 5-star hotel. So he slowly goes up the steps, crying ' water! water!' and the hotel manager says, "I'm sorry, sir. You can't come in here without tie."

----------
- Chahat

Do you love to read sms friendship quotes (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/friendship-sms/)? Check out here:
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

A young man was watching football. He noticed an empty seat in front of him. It was a better seat than his. At half-time he went down to the empty seat. He asked the old man sitting next to the empty one is it ok if i sit here?
No problem, said the old man. It was my wife’s seat, but she’s dead. We’ve been to every home match together for 40 years, and always had these two seats.
A tear rolled down the old man’s cheek.
Don’t you have a friend, or someone from your family, who’d come with you? The young man asked, gently.
The old man wiped his eyes and said yes, but not today. They are all at my wife’s funeral.

----------
- Chahat

Cool, funny and rude sms messages (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/rude-and-nasty-sms/):
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

I asked my uncle if he knew the best way to see flying saucers.
He said, "Yes, pinch the waitress."

----------
- Chahat

Find many happy valentine sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/valentine-day-poems-and-sms/) here:
http://www.smsfunonline.com

[chahat]

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door and kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes, "i mean," she whispers, "i would do anything..."

He returns her gaze, "anything?"
"Anything."

His voice softens, "anything?"
"Anything!" She repeats.
His voice turns to a whisper.
"Would you... Study HARD?"

----------
- Chahat

Send these valentine day poems (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/valentine-day-poems-and-sms/) to your love:
http://www.smsfunonline.com

[chahat]

Once upon a time, there were two friends living in one common den - a bear and a rabbit. The rabbit, unlike his friend, was a very ardent party-goer, and every time he came back home at dead of night, the bear would beat him up. One day, the rabbit begged the bear:
Please don't beat me at least this once when i am back late at night, plese please, bear!
Well, ok.
Next morning, the rabbit wakes up and realizes that his ear is half torn, his coat is ragged, he has a black eye and his whole little body aches badly. Embittered, he hobbles towards the bear and, nearly crying, he asks:
You promised... Why did you do it, bear?
You came back, at first you called me a fat faggot and a moron, i was just about to whack you, but i thought: i promised.
Then you started to insult my girlfriend... I thought: i primised... And i bore it.
Then you started cursing my mummy... But somehow, i restrained myself even then...
But when you shitted on my bed, sticked some crayons into the shit and announced that a hedgehog was staying overnight, i lost my temper!

----------
- Chahat

Watch these SECRET PHOTOS (http://www.jokesduniya.com/83/a-hard-rocking-partys-snaps/) captured after a WILD PARTY.
http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[chahat]

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: "i should be in charge, because i run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because i pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because i process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because i'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.

----------
- Chahat

Collection of cute valentine messages (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/valentine-day-poems-and-sms/):
http://www.smsfunonline.com

[chahat]

A man and his wife were eating dinner in an expensive restaurant when young beautiful women approached and kissed him on the mouth,
She said to him "see you later" and came out.
The wife shouted:
- Who was she?
- She is my mistress.
- What? ... I want a divorce!
- Ok. I agree. But you must know that you wouldn' have a mercedes in your garage, you wouldn't spend your holidays in hot countries and you wouldn't go shopping in paris.

At the same time their friend karol came in to the restaurant with a young woman.
- Who is that woman with karol ? - Asked wife
- She is his mistress.
- Really? ... Ours is more interesting - said the wife.

----------
- Chahat

Watch these SECRET PHOTOS (http://www.jokesduniya.com/83/a-hard-rocking-partys-snaps/) captured after a WILD PARTY.
http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[chahat]

Actual answering machine messages recorded and verified by the world famous international institute of answering machine answers:
1.) My wife and i can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished washing dishes.

2.) A is for academics, b is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

3.) Hi, this is john: if you are the phone company, i already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, i have plenty of money.

4.) Hi. Now you say something.

5.) Hi, i'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6.) Hello. I am david's answering machine. What are you?

7.) Hello! If you leave a message, i"ll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, i'll call sooner.

8.) Hi, john's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.... Please speak very slowly while i write down the message and i'll stick it to myself with one of these magnets.

9.) Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

10.) This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where i can reach you, and i'll think about returning your call.

11.) Hi. I am probably home, i'm just avoiding someone i don't like. Leave a message and if i don't call back, it's you.

12.) Hi, this is george. I'm sorry i can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until i call you back.

13.) If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.

14.) Hello, you've reached jim and carol. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Carol likes doing it up and down, and i like doing it left to right... Real slowly. So leave a message and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

----------
- Chahat

Collection of cute valentine messages (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/valentine-day-poems-and-sms/):
http://www.smsfunonline.com

[chahat]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "my friend is dead! What can i do?" The operator says: "calm down, i can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says: "Ok, now what?"

----------
- Chahat

My collection of the best valentine day sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/valentine-day-poems-and-sms/):
http://www.smsfunonline.com

[chahat]

Yadd karte hai tumhe tanhai mein,
Dil dooba hai gamo ki gehrai mein,
Hamein mat dhoonndho duniya ki bhid mein,
Hum milenge tumhe phir kisi, free sms ki scheme mein
Sharab piyo to aankhe laal,
Mehendi lago to haath laal,
Kiss karo to lips laal,
Ladki ko chheda to gaal laa,
Aur bach qaye to jiyo mere laal!!!

----------
- Chahat

Women are impossible to please (http://www.jokesduniya.com/93/husband-store/)
http://www.jokesduniya.com

[chahat]

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.
"No", she replied. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in"
" We do not go into a House together," they replied.
"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How n ice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"

Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us head our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife.
"Go out and invite Love to be our guest ."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."
Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, t he lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success."

----------
- Chahat

Do you like to read rude sms joke (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/rude-and-nasty-sms/)? Check out here:
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

Boy : I dont think we can be a couple.
Girl : Why, did you met my Father?
boy : No, I met your sister.

----------
- Chahat

Women are impossible to please (http://www.jokesduniya.com/93/husband-store/)
http://www.jokesduniya.com

[chahat]

A man was driving down a country road one day at 45 miles per hour when suddenly he noticed a 3-legged chicken running at the same speed beside his truck.

Though he thought this odd, the man decided to speed up so he wouldn't cause an accident with the chicken.
The man sped up to 55 miles per hour, but low and behold, so did the 3-legged chicken.

The man then sped up to 65 miles per hour only to again be equaled in speed by the 3-legged chicken.
As the man watched in amazement, the chicken suddenly made a sharp left turn and took off down a side road toward a small farm.

The man quickly also made the left turn and followed the chicken to the small farm, parking out front.

Looking around the man found the farmer around back in the midst of many 3-legged chickens.

After greeting the farmer, the man asked him why he was raising 3-legged chickens.

"Well we figure," said the farmer, "That with an average family of 3 people, only 2 can have a chicken leg with an average chicken. But with a three legged chicken, each member of the family can enjoy a chicken leg of their own."

"That's pretty wise," said the man, who then asked "well how do your 3-legged chickens taste?"

"I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never been able to catch one."

----------
- Chahat

Do you like to read rude sms joke (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/rude-and-nasty-sms/)? Check out here:
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[chahat]

An old farmer went to town to see a movie.

The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"

The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."

"I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater.

He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.

"Marge", whispered Mildred.

"What", said Marge.

"I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", said Mildred.

"What makes you think that", asked Marge.

"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.

"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."

"I thought so", said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn."

----------
- Chahat

Are you searching for indian sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/hindi-and-indian-sms/)? Check out this website:
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[chahat]

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?"

Confused, the bartenders says no.

''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''

----------
- Chahat

Collection of funny and rude sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/rude-and-nasty-sms/):
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

A woman reporter is driving a jeep in the desert. She sees a Captain in the French Foreign Legion pulling and tugging on a camel, but the camel won't budge.

The woman stops and says,
"Captain! Do you need some help with the camel?"

The legionarie tells her the camel won't budge but she's welcome to try.

The reporter gets out of the jeep, takes two bricks from the back and POW... smashes the camel's testicles with the bricks. The camel makes a terrible noise and runs off into the desert.

The captain drops his pants and says, "Great! Do me next, I've got to catch that son of a bitch!"

----------
- Chahat

Very Hilarious Joke: Biwi Ka Antim Sanskar (http://www.jokesduniya.com/116/biwi-ka-antim-sanskar/)
http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[chahat]

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.

The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.

"Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"

----------
- Chahat

Email sms in hindi (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/hindi-and-indian-sms/) to your friends and loved ones:
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[desichorriii]

lolz...like the ant 'n elephant one...
keep it up... : )

[chahat]

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

----------
- Chahat

Holi is coming near. Send nice Holi sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/holi-festival-sms-greeting/)to your friends:
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[chahat]

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he
called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is
it or the express degree you told me about?"

"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon,
why do you want to become a lawyer?"

"That's my business! Get me the course!"

Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer
was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.

Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and
it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the
lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late,
tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before
you died?"

In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said,
"One less lawyer..."

----------
- Chahat

Holi is coming near. Send nice Holi sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/holi-festival-sms-greeting/)to your friends:
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.

The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching tv, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "where are you going?" He replied, "to the kitchen." She asked, "will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "sure." She then asked him, "don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "no, i can remember that."

She then said, "well i would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because i know you'll forget that." He said, "i can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "well i also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "i don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "i told you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

----------
- Chahat

Holi is coming near. Send nice Holi sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/holi-festival-sms-greeting/)to your friends:
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

A letter has been sent from a husband:

Dear Sweetheart:

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, your husband.

Your Loving Husband,

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items.
5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope that I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, please advise.

Your Sweet Heart.

----------
- Chahat

Holi is coming near. Send nice Holi sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/holi-festival-sms-greeting/)to your friends:
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in."

So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!"

----------
- Chahat

Collection of funny hindi sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/joke-and-funny-sms/):
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.

Mom : "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."

Son : "But mom, there's no one to play with."

Mom : "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"

Son : "Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."

The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.

Mom : "Now what do I do?"

Son : "Get out of bed and fix that kid some ice cream."

----------
- Chahat

Collection of funny hindi sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/joke-and-funny-sms/):
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[chahat]

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."

Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."

Johnson: "But I want you to."

Wife: "But why?"

Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"

----------
- Chahat

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[chahat]

They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other.

Instead, they were giving each other written notes.

One evening he gave her a paper where it said:

"Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am."

The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock.

Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying:

"Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"

----------
- Chahat

Read this joke of Gandhi Locha-Lafda hoga buddhe ka (http://www.jokesduniya.com/61/locha-lafda-hoga-buddhe-ka/)
http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[chahat]

A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death.
It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt.

He replies, "Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."

----------
- Chahat
Are you missing someone? Send them these sweet miss you sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/miss-you-sms/):
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[chahat]

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.

The son said, "now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" Asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

----------
- Chahat

All kind of jokes and funny sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/joke-and-funny-sms/):
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[chahat]

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets.
she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"

The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume,
she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"

----------
- Chahat

Read this A sweet kissful letter from husband... (http://www.jokesduniya.com/290/a-sweet-kissful-letter/)
http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[chahat]

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," as she knocks on her wooden table for good measure.

She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door!"

----------
- Chahat

Very Hilarious Joke: Biwi Ka Antim Sanskar (http://www.jokesduniya.com/116/biwi-ka-antim-sanskar/)
http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[chahat]

Interviewer: tell me the opposite of good.
Sardar : bad.

Interviewer: come.
Sardar : go.

Interviewer: ugly.
Sardar : pichlli.

Interviewer: u g l y?
Sardar : pichlly !!!!!!!

Interviewer: shut up.
Sardar : keep talking.

Interviewer: get out.
Sardar : come in.

Interviewer: oh my god.
Sardar : oh my devil.

Interviewer: u r rejected.
Sardar : i am selected. Oh Balle ballle.

----------
- Chahat

Have you heard about these: Male and Female flies (http://www.jokesduniya.com/293/what-are-you-doing/)
http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[chahat]

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic.
Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches.
The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.
By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one.
He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener.
Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it,
but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.

Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go,
swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.
Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise.
Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise.
After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless.
"I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of dementia in his voice.
"NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised."

Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road,
so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock.
"Just for that, I'm not going."

----------
- Chahat

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[chahat]

Jill tells her husband, "jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.

Now, why can't you do that?"

"Gosh," jack says. "Why i hardly know the girl."

----------
- Chahat

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[chahat]

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."

----------
- Chahat

Send short sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/short-sms/) to your friends:
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[chahat]

Sometime after independence three great leaders of the country -
Mahatma Gandhi, Subhash Chandra, Lal Bahadur Shastri and Jawaharlal
Nehru went to heaven.

God asked Lal Bahadur Shastri how many children he had during his time
on earth. He replied saying he had three! Happy with the relatively
good family planning adopted, God gave Shastri a Mercedes!

Subhash Chandra Bose is asked the same question. When he replies he
had 10 children, God is a bit upset and gives him a cheaper car, the
Ford.

Jawaharlal is next and on replying that he had 15 children, God is
pretty angry and gives him an inexpensive Maruti.

Sometime later the three see Mahatma Gandhi returning on foot. They
ask why God hadnt given him anything. Gandhiji replied with anger,
"Some idiot told God that I was the father of the nation!"

----------
- Chahat

Read this funny joke Waiting for the teeth (http://www.jokesduniya.com/335/the-teeth)
http://www.JokesDuniya.com]

[chahat]

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.

One of them kept complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man said:
"You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation."

"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter.
We got married and got myself a stepdaughter.
Later, my father married my stepdaughter.
That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother.
And my father became my stepson.
Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law".

"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son.
This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son.
But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son.
That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a Baby. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother.
This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"

"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!"

----------
- Chahat

Read this:- A sweet kissful letter from husband... (http://www.jokesduniya.com/290/a-sweet-kissful-letter/)
http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[chahat]

Employees of a Software Company are all worried. Some are roaming around.

Some are in Loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined,notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, They asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Project Manager.

They're asking for a Rs.500 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...

"About a litre."

----------
- Chahat

Greet your loved ones with these morning sms greetings (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/good-morning-sms/):
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[-Hope-]

lol some of them are really funny :cool:

[chahat]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf
club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

----------
- Chahat

Very brave frog: Try until u die (http://www.jokesduniya.com/372/i-am-very-kanjus/)
http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[chahat]

A married man and his secretary are having an affair.

They decide to leave the office early and go to the secretary's appartment for an afternoon of ......., whatever its called.

They fall asleep and don't wake up till 8 PM later that night.

They quickly get dressed and the man asks the secretary to take his shoes and go and rub them in the grass.

The secretary thinks this is pretty weird, but she does it anyway.

The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door.

The wife's very upset and asks, "Where the hell have you been?"

The husband replies, "I was taught in school that truth is very painful, but it sets you free, so I will not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair, we left work early today, went to her appartment, made love all afternoon, and then we fell asleep. That's why I'm late!!"

The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, "I see those grass stains all over your shoes. You've been playing golf again, haven't you?"

----------
- Chahat

SMS Love Poems and Love SMS Messages (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/love-and-romantic-sms/):
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[desichorriii]

^ lolz...some r really funny...
thanks for sharing, 'Chahat'...

[chahat]

· A woman goes to england to attend a 2 week company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers: thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for
You?
The husband laughs and says: an english girl !!!

The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "so, honey, how
Was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you "

"And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?"

"What i asked for: the english girl?!"

"Oh, that! Well, i did what i could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl !!"

----------
- Chahat

Funny, romantic and flirt sms messages (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/flirt-and-naughty-sms/):
http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[desichorriii]

^ haha...lolz...
so, yea guys, be careful be4 u ask for anythin to ur women...tfs...

[chahat]

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Sardar were captured by cannibals.

The chief comes to them and says, "the bad news is that we caught you and we're going to kill you and eat you and then use your skin to build a canoe. But the good news is that you can choose how you want to die."

The Frenchman asks for a sword and runs himself through muttering his last words, "Vive la France!"

The Englishman asks for a gun and putting the gun to his head says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brain out.

The Sardar asks for a fork.

The chief is puzzled but hands it to him anyway.

Taking the fork, the Sardar starts jabbing it all over -- the stomach, the chest, the sides and everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, its horrible.

The chief is appalled even for a cannibal, he asks, "My God Almighty, what are you doing?"

Sardar replies, "So much for your CANOE!"

----------
- Chahat

Have you ever get into these: Family problem (http://www.jokesduniya.com/418/family-problem/)
http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[chahat]

So you are also a woman
right :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

^ haha...lolz...
so, yea guys, be careful be4 u ask for anythin to ur women...tfs...

[chahat]

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear. Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpses anus and licked it. Now you must do the same, he told the class.

After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.

Second, the professor continued, you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this mans anus, but licked my index finger!

----------
- Chahat

All kind of jokes and funny sms (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/joke-and-funny-sms/):
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[chahat]

One night, a father overheard his son saying his prayers, "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."
The father thought this was strange, but soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died.

About a month or so later, the father again heard his son's prayers, "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."
The next day, the Grandmother died. The father began to worry about the situation.

Two weeks later, the father again heard his son praying, "God bless Mommy. Goodbye Daddy."
This alone nearly gave the Father a heart attack.

The next morning, without saying anything, he got up early and went to work. He stayed in his office all day.

Finally, after midnight, he went home. He was still alive! He crawled into bed with his wife and apologized.
"I'm sorry honey, I had a really bad day."

"You had a bad day?" his wife yelled. "The mailman dropped dead on the porch this morning!"

----------
- Chahat

Play this exciting game: A real challenge for you (http://www.jokesduniya.com/471/a-real-challenge-for-you/)
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[chahat]

Love story : Hero loves heroine , but heroine loves the villain.
But villain loves hero's sister,and hero's sister loves heroine's brother .
Here, heroine's brother loves villain's sister .
But villain's sister loves hero's brother. Again!, hero's brother is also interested in heroine , and you alredy know that heroine loves villain.
Finally 2 people commits sucide.
Who're they?


Producer and the Director

----------
- Chahat

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[chahat]

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son to get married

Laloo : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".

Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case......Yes"

Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani

Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."

Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank." Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"

Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president." President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."

Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."

Now this is how business is done!!

----------
- Chahat

Have You ever heard Laloo In Hell (http://www.jokesduniya.com/433/laloo-in-hell/)
http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[chahat]

There is something that is troubling laloo for a couple of days. So he seeks some advice from some of his educated friends.

He calls all of his friends and tells them his problem "Friends, i have a meeting with bill clinton in a couple of days on how to make bihaar a better place, but the problem is that i do not know how to speak in english." So all his friends decide to teach him something to say to bill clinton.

They tell him that when he shakes hands with clinton then say "hi! How are you?" And when he says "good, and you" then say "me too"
Laloo gets this in his head and goes to meet clinton.

On his arrival at clinton's house, they shake hands but laloo got his english tagled up and said,

"Hi! Who are you"

Bill clinton thought this was a joke

Clinton "haha! I'm hillary's husband. And you?"

And laloo goes "Me too"

----------
- Chahat

Want to read more funny sms jokes (http://www.smsfunonline.com/category/joke-and-funny-sms/)? Click Here (http://www.smsfunonline.com)

[chahat]

Satan greets him: "welcome mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, i'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.

Satan takes bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To bill's delight, he sees a pc in the corner. Without hesitation, bill says "i'll take this option."

"Fine," says satan, allowing bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after bill.

As he turns around, he bumps into lucifer. "That was bill gates!" Cried lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

"That's what everyone thinks" snickered satan.

"The bottle has a hole in it!"

"What about the pc?"

"It's got windows 95!" Laughed satan.

"And it's missing three keys,"

"Which three?"

"Control, alt and delete."

----------
- Chahat

Do You know the reason of Defeat of team india in world-cup (http://www.jokesduniya.com/516/why-indian-couldnt-get-into-the-semi-finals/)
http://www.JokesDuniya.com