is it his fault or mine?WHAT SHALL I DO

[DIYA999]

WE are an asian couple who are strict on sex before marriage and anything else, alas we are trying to be anyway. so in the past we have done some stuff but not the whole way. we are getting married soon, and i have told him to not do anything until then to control it and so will i. we both agreed on that. but he keeps trying things with me and i know whats itl lead to.i know him very well, he always intiatiates everything first, hes always starting sutff almost making me do whatever, and then later if i try to control myself and not do it, hel say that im being selfish and i only do it when i want when its my mood.. but im not. im doing it for him,.but if i dnt do it then he gets angry that im still being selfish...i cant win..

im not talking about sex here but other stuff.....he jsut makes me feel uncomfortable now i do love him but im getting uncomfortable and he gets angry about.although he has neverbeen violent i do worry that he gets abit too angry.

[xoxaDoRaBlExox]

hmmm...tough situation

u gotta ask ur self if da guy loved u so much than he wont be doing all tat stuff like making u feel uncomfortable and telling u ur selfish.
the best thing for u to do is talk to him and tell him ur concerned abt all this stuff...make him understand...if he truly loves u he'll understand and control himself....although if u think he will get angry n aggressive its best too end it (sorry sounds harsh) u probably doubtless love him to bits but u wont wanna be in a relationship where u feel uncomfortable and pressured...

hope my reply helps and best of luck:)
-mona

[*PaRi*]

hmmm. thats a sticky situation. personally i know what youre talking about. its like you love them and everything but youre not trying to do anything that you might regret. but you also have to understand that this guy really does love you and he just wants to show that to you. maybe you both should just talk about it. tell him youre uncomfortable. im sure thats not what he was trying to do at all....afterall he has needs just like you.... well i hope everything works out for you guys! =]



-adhiii

[daisy]

its funny, because i was going to post the same situation that you mention lol. i have the excat same problem with my boyfriend, and i still cant argue with him because he then gets angry, by saying that am selfish i only think for myself and i dont love him etc. so i cant really say something about this problem even though i would like to mention something about it.

i suppose its because they love you too much that the sparkle inside them hasn gone away from the first meetin that had ignited whenever they see you. you might think they are desperate, but if you think about it, does he ever behave in that way to other people, and if its NO, then you could say its the love that he has for you. and if you do want him to stop this way then you will have to control yourself first before you control him.. like you mention above that he eventually gets his own way because you let him. if you know his coming to get something out of you, change the topic or go somewhere, that should help things to be in your way but i would like to know some ideas.
xxx

[•Amrita•]

You shud try to talk to him wen hes not in the mood of wanting something with u. like wen u guys are just hanging out, bring it up and talk to him seriously and tell him how it makes u feel and wot u don't like. If you two are getting married soon, then these are some things he shud respect about u. If he's acting like this now, then u have to tell him that he is making u uncomfortable, u shudn't be afraid to share ur feelings with someone who will be marrying in the near future hun.
Avoid talking about it wen he's distracted, b/c then u will only hit a dead end, instead wen he comes over or u guys go out to eat or something, bring it up and then his attention will be on u.

It's just a communication problem, which u have to settle.