Pimped
Feb 01, 2009, 07:37 PM
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started.
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a Bathroom scale.
And then the fight started.
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started....
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When I retired, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver chest hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too."
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking after we split up those many years ago, and she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!", said my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
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I rear-ended a car this morning. So there I was alongside the road when slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So I looked down at him and said, "Well, which one are you then?"
And then the fight started...
:king:
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a Bathroom scale.
And then the fight started.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started....
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I retired, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver chest hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too."
And then the fight started...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking after we split up those many years ago, and she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!", said my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I rear-ended a car this morning. So there I was alongside the road when slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So I looked down at him and said, "Well, which one are you then?"
And then the fight started...
:king: